First of all, I’d like to point out that the performance was acoustic. The performance took place at P.C. Richard & Son Theater; this is not Carnegie Hall. It was being recorded for iheartradio STRIPPED. The fan was in the front row. Let me spell it out for you; during an acoustic performance in a small theater that’s being recorded for something, there’s a good chance there aren’t any dancers and wild pyro affects or ear-splitting screaming guitars and bowel jarring drums, right? People were there to see Adam Lambert, and this chick is in the front row chatting on her cell. Loudly. Like no one was going to hear her. Oh, what the fuck?

I applaud Adam Lambert, as I have in ALL his “controversial” acts, for having the balls to tell the chick to shut the hell up. Grandma, get the internet and check out YouTube; tons of Adam Lambert videos on there.

P.S. LOVE the drag-queen attitude, darling!  “You’re not watching T.V., honey.” Aces.

Edit: TMZ.com reported “Adam Lambert Rips Fan – Get Off the Damn Phone” Okay, first; he didn’t say that. He was rather polite about it and even took a stab at a joke, which I found cute and charming. Second, if she’s a fan why isn’t she paying attention? If she’s not a fan, why was she there? Third, he didn’t rip her. Read previous statement. Normally I doubt it would have been a problem, but it was quiet, during an acoustic performance. I guarantee you Adam wasn’t the only one annoyed by her.

He didn’t disrespect anyone, douchebags. It was the other way around.

As the years rolled on like a Rolodex of doom, progressing from bad, to worse, to complete meltdown, these strange devices became smaller, sleeker, and new technologies get crammed down their little microfiber throats everyday.

Now, in the year 2010, closer than ever to catastrophic failure, the only thing that hasn’t been invented, yet, is a cell phone that can wipe your ass for you.

Pardon the hypocracy if you will. I, myself, got caught up in the fad for some time. When I had a cell phone, the trend was a Razr. Razr’s in silver, black, and the ALL NEW TOTALLY FUCKING FAR OUT pink Razr. I, I am proud to say, possessed said pink Razr, and I was cool. I could walk down the street and snap photos of total strangers I thought were visually appealing like some creepy stalker seeking out his next victim, and I could keep these photos on my phone and show people all the friends I had.

I’m getting carried away. I didn’t do that, but it amuses me because some morons probably do do that. I wouldn’t put it past people. There are some out there that are dumber than a bag of Tofu-Crunch Snack-ums (eat healthy on the run!) and so desperately need the approval of others that they will go to any outlandish lengths to achieve their sad, strange little missions.

My intention isn’t to belittle every person growing with the times and adjusting to the new flow of life. In fact, I applaud it; just go with the flow. If you don’t agree or believe in the current trendy parade of life, just walk beside it. You don’t have to keep up or take lead, drop back and take a break if you have to. It’s good to remember. But go with it. Be groovy and get down and be happy because that, my friends, is the meaning of life. Be happy and do what you have to do, but don’t forget to save some time for a party and a few shots, you dig?

So really, this rant is, in the deeper meaning of things, just a rant.  Just some thoughts wafting through the crammed recesses of my mind that I wanted to jot down.

I hear you asking, ‘What brought on this random, insignificant rant?’  Well, I’ll tell you.  See, I’m looking for a job. Something part-time, nothing big. I’m not career shopping or anything. I was checking out the local paper (on the internet; what a fucking paradox that is) and saw a few ads for RadioShack.  I said to myself ‘Great, that sounds like fun, I’ll keep it in mind.’  I moved further on still, and saw a few ads for cellphone kiosks and store management positions, and suddenly, I realized, what the hell am I doing? For one, I don’t even own a cellphone. I haven’t in a few years now (and thank God for that because I have no friends and it would be a complete waste of money. Not to mention the melancholy.) Two, I really can’t handle stupid people; I mean the ones with no common sense at all. Like God left that part out of some people just for shits and giggles. I handle these situations differently, depending on if I have PMS or not. Either I laugh and slowly speak as if I’m talking to a mentally damaged dog, or I get angry. (Lately, I get angry less and less. Life is just a ride, and you have to choose how to cruise. I don’t have life-road rage, and I’m better for it. Minimal stress, the middle path, take it or leave it.  On this journey, a lot of things get thrown at your windshield. Bugs, birds, a splash of shit. But instead of getting pissed off, just swipe on the windshield wipers, turn up the jams and wait for the bad stuff to clear — it always does.)  Third, though I’m a child of the technological age, I don’t know all the information on it. Like those car fanatics that talk all that V8 Turbo Boost Expansion Pack 6 horsepower 500 Cylinder mumbo-jumbo. Dude; it’s a car, it has brakes, a steering wheel, gas pedal, and you have to stop every few miles to juice the son of a bitch up. That’s all I know; that’s all I need to know. I can drive, can’t I? Just because I know how use a cellphone doesn’t mean I know the name of every little wire and motherboard in it. So working for a cellphone company? Out of the question. You got questions? Well, so do I — and that would never work as a serious motto. I suppose I could learn all of that, but I’m really not interested in learning which PSP plan is the best, or which national network will get you more bang for you buck, or how much PSI is in every cat per square fruitcake. And as far as the hands free devices? Listen, if you need both your hands during a moment when you’re on the phone, you should probably get off the phone. How about I cram that thing up your ass? Then you’ll be hands free.

Another thing about cellphones, and this does piss me off. Highly. It’s like an excuse for rudeness. You know, those self-important pricks that talk to you and text when they’re not speaking? Oh. My. Shit. I seriously want to take the thing and shove it in their ear. Can you hear me now, fucker?

I never, ever got the texting thing. I didn’t use it when I had a phone. It’s the most retarded thing EVER. What’s so difficult about picking up the phone and punching in a number? Shit, we even have speed dial now because that’s how lazy we’ve become. And don’t even try to tell me “Why call someone just to hang up three seconds later?” If you’re texting something that will take three seconds to say out loud, why the hell does it need saying in the first place? Why not wait until you see the person? Talk face to face like humans have done since the discovery of communication? (It wasn’t invented, asshole.) I can understand the original point of having a cell phone; take it with you in case of emergencies. In case you break down in the middle of nowhere and you have exactly five seconds to call for help before the inbred son of a bitch with a chainsaw from down the street seeks you out and cleaves you in half. There’s no problem with chatting with friends on your cell, as long as you don’t do it while you drive. And hey, even the camera is pretty cool. I have been in positions where I see something and think “damn, I wish I had a camera.” You can even bring cell phones in to concerts, where as cameras usually aren’t allowed. Rock on.
Then there’s the down side; public bathrooms, crime scenes, locker rooms. But honestly, there’s always a down side to everything we invent. As long as humans can think independently, there are always some things, new technologies, that people will get their hands on and abuse, and we just have to deal with it. You can’t have a bushel of apples without a few rotten ones at the bottom.

Well my friends. That’s it for today. As a parting statement, I want to remind you all to love yourselves, love each other, relax, don’t take shit so seriously, and have fun.